hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I did not marry a roomba.
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