I think scott just propositioned me for sex
one might say we're banned from that church
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
