Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize