my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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