my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
