I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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