I will die if light touches me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
