So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
