it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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