just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
