So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
