i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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