I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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