Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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