I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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