so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize