im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
