How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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