i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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