I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
