Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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(217): View more from Illinois

he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

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(805): View more from California

I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed

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(415): View more from California

so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.

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(360): View more from Washington

My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The streets are paved with hand jobs

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