She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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