I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
