Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I love having hate sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
