My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
