so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
