I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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