i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
