were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
