Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
