I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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