Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
