When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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