Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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