He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
