So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
