well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
