I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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