can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize