the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
