Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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