I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
