..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
