Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
