If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize