I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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