if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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