So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
