It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
