You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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