thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
