My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am one with the molecules
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
