By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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