How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
