I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
