Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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