made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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