I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
