Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
