I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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