oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
