That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
