Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
