I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
