There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
