it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
